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Go Back   FZ1OA Message Board > FZ1 & Fazer Owners Association > Bored Time (Games & Humor)

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Old 02-24-2015, 11:35 AM   #1261
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That's the sign that it's time to stop driving.

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Old 02-25-2015, 01:38 PM   #1262
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Samurai wanted--apply within

Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.

"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor. The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and Swish, the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two! "What a feat!" said the Emperor.

"Number Two Samurai, show me what you do." The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and Swish, Swish! The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered. "That is skill!" nodded the Emperor.

"How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?" The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and Swoooooosh, flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead." "Dead? DEAD?" replied the Jewish Samurai. Dead is easy ~ ~ but circumcised?"
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:12 PM   #1263
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Originally Posted by Keytickler View Post
Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.

"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor. The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and Swish, the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two! "What a feat!" said the Emperor.

"Number Two Samurai, show me what you do." The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and Swish, Swish! The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered. "That is skill!" nodded the Emperor.

"How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?" The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and Swoooooosh, flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead." "Dead? DEAD?" replied the Jewish Samurai. Dead is easy ~ ~ but circumcised?"
You are getting forgetful in your old age!
http://www.yamahafz1oa.com/forum/sho...&postcount=166
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:40 PM   #1264
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Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.

"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor. The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and Swish, the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two! "What a feat!" said the Emperor.

"Number Two Samurai, show me what you do." The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and Swish, Swish! The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered. "That is skill!" nodded the Em

"How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?" The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and Swoooooosh, flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead." "Dead? DEAD?" replied the Jewish Samurai. Dead is easy ~ ~ but circumcised?"
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Old 02-26-2015, 09:35 AM   #1265
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You are getting forgetful in your old age!
http://www.yamahafz1oa.com/forum/sho...&postcount=166
Dang--I searched first but must not have used the exactly correct key word. Sorry.

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Old 03-09-2015, 07:39 AM   #1266
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USRSF

The US Army announced today the formation of a new 900-man elite fighting unit, called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).

These Mountain boys will be dropped off in Iraq, with plenty of cold beer, ammo and weaponry.
They have been given only the following facts about ISIS:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken..
4. They hate beer, pickups, nude women, country music and Jesus.
AND
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.


The Pentagon expects the ISIS problem in IRAQ to be more or less over by next Friday.
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Old 03-09-2015, 07:39 AM   #1267
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Female medical exam

During a lady's medical examination, the British doctor says,
"Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine.
Now let me see the part that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."

The lady starts taking off her undies but is interrupted by the doctor.

"No! No! .... Just stick out your tongue!"
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Old 03-11-2015, 10:22 AM   #1268
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Old 03-11-2015, 11:43 AM   #1269
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Another good one KT. Thanks!

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Old 03-12-2015, 11:52 AM   #1270
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The used car

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.

He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car, or were they trying to steal it?

"Heavens no, we bought it."

"Then why don't you drive it away?"

"We can't drive."

"Then why did you buy it?"

"We were told that if we bought a used car here we'd get screwed ......so we're just waiting."
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Old 03-13-2015, 06:39 AM   #1271
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Golf streaker

Three ladies are playing golf on the 4th hole at their membership Country Club in Meridian Valley when a naked man wearing a bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green.

The 3 ladies look and are in shock at the size of his Manhood.

The first lady says, "Well he definitely is not my husband."

The second lady looks at his manhood and says, "He for sure is not my husband."

The third lady takes a good long look and says.......


" AND ... He's not even a member of this club."
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Old 04-10-2015, 12:22 AM   #1272
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The female urologist

An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the
Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but
this new procedure is probably a little different from what you are used to.
I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say 99."

The old guy obeys and says, "99."

The doctor says, "Great, now turn over on your left side and again,
while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, 99,"

The old guy obeys and says, "99."

The doctor said, "Very good."

"Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly.
I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say 99."

The old guy begins,
"One.... two.... three...."
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Old 04-14-2015, 02:27 AM   #1273
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At the bar and other venues

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,
"If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your
Hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

**********
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess
What day a woman was born on just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."

**********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

***********

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing
On a table. I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed
By now."
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Old 06-16-2015, 08:40 AM   #1274
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A couple on an African Safari witnessed a small antelope being chased by a cheetah.

The wife told the husband: “If the antelope survives this one, I'll give you a BJ every day for the rest of your life."


Watch the video.-27 sec



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6K0...layer_embedded

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Old 06-16-2015, 08:51 AM   #1275
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mammo-grahams.jpg
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Old 06-22-2015, 12:12 PM   #1276
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Paper is not dead

https://www.youtube.com/embed/V_gOZDWQj3Q?rel=0

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Old 06-22-2015, 12:50 PM   #1277
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Old 06-22-2015, 12:54 PM   #1278
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Old 07-06-2015, 06:52 AM   #1279
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20 jokes so terrible they're actually funny

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."

"Is it common?"

Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."

"I don't believe you," says Dolly.

"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good...) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!!!!!!!!
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Old 07-15-2015, 03:34 AM   #1280
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Are you smarter than a 60 year old?

This is a test for us ‘older kids!’ The answers are printed below, after the questions, but don't cheat! Answer them first.

01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into
the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, ‘Who was that masked man?’
Invariably, someone would answer, ‘I don't know, but he left this behind.’
What did he leave behind?________________.

02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. In early 1964,
we all watched them on The ____ ___________ Show.

03. ‘Get your kicks, __ _________ _______.’

04. 'The story you are about to see is true. The names have
been changed to _____ _ _____.'

05. 'In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ____ ____ ____ ____.'

06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we
'danced' under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance
called the '_____.'

07. Nestle's makes the very best _________.'

08. Satchmo was America 's 'Ambassador of Goodwill.' Our
parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was
______ ___________.

09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______.

10. Red Skeleton's hobo character was named ______ ___
________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, ‘Good Night,
and ‘________ ________.’

11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by
burning their ______ _______.

12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the
trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ___ &
_______.

13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, 'the day
the music died.' This was a tribute to _______ ____________.

14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit.
The Russians did it. It was called __________.

15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a
large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the
______ _____ .

16. Remember LS/MFT _____ _____/_____ _____ _____?

17. Hey Kids! What time is it? It's _____ ______ _____!

18. Who knows what secrets lie in the hearts of men? Only
The _____ Knows!

19. There was a song that came out in the 60's that was "a
grave yard smash". It's name was the ______ ______!

20. Alka Seltzer used a "boy with a tablet on his head" as
it's Logo/Representative. What was the boy's name? ________



ANSWERS:

01.The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.

02. The Ed Sullivan Show

03. On Route 66

04. To protect the innocent.

05. The Lion Sleeps Tonight

06. The limbo

07. Chocolate

08. Louis Armstrong

09. The Timex watch

10. Freddy, The Freeloader and 'Good Night and God Bless.'

11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some
have guessed)

12. Beetle or Bug

13. Buddy Holly

14. Sputnik

15. Hula-hoop

16. Lucky Strike/Means Fine Tobacco

17. Howdy Doody Time

18. Shadow

19.Monster Mash

20. Speedy
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