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Go Back   FZ1OA Message Board > FZ1 & Fazer Owners Association > Bored Time (Games & Humor)

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Old 01-06-2009, 11:26 PM   #41
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Old 01-06-2009, 11:31 PM   #42
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I don't get it
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Old 01-07-2009, 08:14 AM   #43
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Been so long for me, I don't get it either.
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Old 01-07-2009, 09:13 AM   #44
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I don't get it
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Old 01-07-2009, 04:57 PM   #45
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Best grocery store sign ever

Grocery store sign.bmp
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Old 01-07-2009, 07:04 PM   #46
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That is SUCH a great sign. I need to make one of those up and take it to work.
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Old 01-08-2009, 02:27 PM   #47
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Top 10 indicators your employer has changed to a cheaper health care plan

(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.

(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."

(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

(6) The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is "an apple a day."

(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

(4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges," is not a typographical error.

(3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."

(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED A VERY CHEAP HEALTH CARE PLAN:

(1) You ask for Viagra, and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct tape!
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Old 01-08-2009, 02:36 PM   #48
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Bank robbery

An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shoots the guy without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber shoots him also.

Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

'Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.

There are a few moments silence, then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says: 'I think me wife may have caught a glimpse.'
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Old 01-08-2009, 02:40 PM   #49
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Old 01-08-2009, 02:40 PM   #50
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Two old men in a brothel

Two very old men, feeling that their final days are drawing near, decide

to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the

local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and

whispers to her manager, 'Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an

inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and so drunk, I'm not

wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference' The

manager does as he's told, and the two old men go upstairs and take care

of business.



As they're walking home, the first man says, 'You know, I think my girl

was dead!' 'Dead?' says his friend. 'Why do you say that?' 'Well, she

never moved or made a sound, all the time I was loving her.'



'Could be worse,' says his friend. 'I think mine was a witch!' 'A witch??

Why the hell would you say that?' 'Well, I was making love to her, kissing

her on the neck, and I gave her a little bite. Then she farted and flew

out the window ........ took my teeth with her!'
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Old 01-10-2009, 07:39 AM   #51
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Not a joke but QFT
Attached Images
File Type: gif chances-wife-will-see-you.gif (23.4 KB, 481 views)
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Old 01-13-2009, 08:16 AM   #52
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New game

Viagra game.bmp
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Old 01-13-2009, 08:41 AM   #53
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More! More!

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Old 01-13-2009, 10:03 AM   #54
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You can help

Sponsor an executive

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDC0qcf0kzE
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Old 01-13-2009, 07:13 PM   #55
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Cognitive linguistics

Mexican words of the day....

1. *Cheese*
The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito
replies: Maria likes me, but cheese fat.

2. *Mushroom*
When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom.

3. *Shoulder*
My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I shoulder.

4. * Texas *
My fren always Texas me when I'm not home wondering where I'm at!

5. *Herpes*
Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes

6. *July*
Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!

7. *Rectum*
I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!

8. *Chicken*
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.

9. *Wheelchair*
We only have one enchilada left, but don't worry wheelchair

10. *Chicken* *wing*
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.

11. *Harassment*
My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her "Honey, harassment nothing to me."

12. *Bishop*
My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop.

13. *Body wash*
I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.

14. *Budweiser*
That women over there has a nice body, budweiser face so ugly?
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Old 01-14-2009, 09:37 AM   #56
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Snow jokes

What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?
Snow difference.

What was the snow man doing in the supermarket produce department?
Picking his nose.
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Old 01-14-2009, 09:56 AM   #57
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?
Snowman's got snowballs.
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Old 01-14-2009, 12:19 PM   #58
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Snowman's got snowballs.
Give that woman a cigar!

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Old 01-14-2009, 12:20 PM   #59
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The code of the west

A Cowboy's Guide to Life by Texas Bix Bender



A smart ass just don't fit in a saddle.


After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.


Always drink upstream from the herd.


Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.


Ask no more and give no less than honesty, courage, loyalty, generosity, and fairness.


Don't get mad at somebody who knows more 'n you do. It ain't their fault.


Don't let so much reality into your life that there's no room left for dreamin'.


Don't never interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.


Don't squat with yer spurs on!


Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.


Generally, you ain't learnin' nothing when your mouth's a-jawin'.


Go after life as if it's something that's got to be roped in a hurry before it gets away.


Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.


If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.


If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.


If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.


If you want to forget all your troubles, take a little walk in a brand-new pair of high-heeled ridin' boots.


If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.


It don't matter so much how long a ride you have, as how well you ride it.


It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.


Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.


Makin' it in life is kinda like bustin' broncs: you're gonna get thrown a lot. The simple secret is to keep gettin' back on.


Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.


Never ask a man the size of his spread.


Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.


Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.


Never grumble. It makes you about as welcome as a sidewinder in a cow camp.


Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.


Never miss a chance to rest your horse.


Never miss a good chance to shut up.


Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.


No matter who says what, don't believe it if it don't make sense.


Talk low, talk slow, and don't say too much.


Tellin' a man to git lost and makin' him do it are two entirely different propositions.


The best way to have a quiche for dinner is to make it up and put it in the oven to bake at 325 degrees. Meanwhile, get out a large T-bone, grill it, and when it's done, eat it. As for the quiche, continue to let it bake, but otherwise ignore it.


The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.


The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.


The first thing to do when you get up in the morning is put on your Stetson.


The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back into your pocket.


The wildest critters live in the city!


Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.


Trust everybody in the game, but always cut the cards.


When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be suprised if they learn their lesson.


When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.


Write it in your heart. Stand by the code, and it will stand by you.


You don't need decorated words to make your meanin' clear. Say it plain and save some breath for breathin'.
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Old 01-14-2009, 01:15 PM   #60
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Retrospective

Do you know what happened this week, back in 1850, 159 years ago?

California became a state.
The State had no electricity.
The State had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.


So basically, it was just like California today; except the women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands.
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