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Go Back   FZ1OA Message Board > FZ1 & Fazer Owners Association > Bored Time (Games & Humor)

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Old 05-29-2009, 12:28 PM   #141
Keytickler
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Questions and answers from an AARP forum

Questions and Answers from an AARP Forum

Q: Where can men over the age
of 60 find younger, sexy
women who are interested
in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his
wife is going through
menopause?
A: Keep busy.. If you're handy with
tools, you can finish the basement.
When you're done you'll have a
place to live..

Q: Someone has told me that
menopause is mentioned in
the Bible. Is that true?
Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass
all the way to Egypt ."

Q: How can you increase the
heart rate of your 60-plus
year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that
terrible curse of the elderly
wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for
these Crow's feet and all
those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull
them out.

Q: Why should 60-plus year old
people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they
park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year
olds to have problems with
short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem,
Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep
More soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60-plus year
olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common
remark made by 60-plus
year olds when they enter
antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor, RIGHT?
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Old 05-29-2009, 12:39 PM   #142
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Silence is golden

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence.


The Priest said, 'Sister, this is a silent monastery.
You are welcome here as long as you like,
but you may not speak until directed to do so.'

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years
before the Priest said to her,
'Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words.'

Sister Mary Katherine said,
'Hard bed.'

'I'm sorry to hear that,' the Priest said,
'We will get you a better bed.'

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was summoned by the Priest.
'You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.'

'Cold food,' said Sister Mary Katherine,
and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery,
the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine in to his office.
'You may say two words today.'

'I quit,' said Sister Mary Katherine.

'It's probably best,' said the Priest, 'You've done nothing but bitch since you got here.'
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Old 05-29-2009, 01:39 PM   #143
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Sunbathing

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and
to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private
parts. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a
gentleman you'd lift your hat." He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If
you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."
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Old 05-29-2009, 01:46 PM   #144
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A good laugh everytime I visit this thread! Keep them coming KT!
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Old 05-29-2009, 02:08 PM   #145
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Ha Ha!!!

Keep it up KT!

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Last edited by jpgrfan; 05-29-2009 at 05:48 PM.
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Old 05-29-2009, 02:40 PM   #146
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keytickler View Post
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and
to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private
parts. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a
gentleman you'd lift your hat." He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If
you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."
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Old 05-29-2009, 03:20 PM   #147
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Good Stuff KT
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Old 06-01-2009, 05:40 PM   #148
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Redneck playstation

Have fun, y'all!

http://majman.net/fly_loader.html

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Old 06-01-2009, 07:38 PM   #149
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keytickler View Post
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and
to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private
parts. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a
gentleman you'd lift your hat." He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If
you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."
That's funny! Hat's off to ya!
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Old 06-02-2009, 07:24 PM   #150
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Don't gross out the world

Let's see how much you know about dining etiquette in other countries. Good luck!

http://www.fekids.com/img/kln/flash/...utTheWorld.swf

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Old 06-03-2009, 08:20 AM   #151
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That was pretty cool. I got 7 the first try.
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Old 06-04-2009, 08:17 AM   #152
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Child's prayer

Prayer.bmp

"Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer, Amen. "
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Old 06-16-2009, 02:05 PM   #153
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A game of golf

A group of male lawyers lived and died for their Saturday morning round
of golf. One transferred to another city. It wasn't the same without him.

A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. She overheard the guys talking
about their golf round. She said, "You know, I used to play on my golf
team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you
next week?"

The three guys looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say
'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be
okay, but they would be starting early -- at 6:30 am.

He figured the early tee-time would discourage her. The woman said this
may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late. They
rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled and said, "Good, I'll be
there at 6:30 or 6:45."

She showed up at 6:30 sharp, and beat all three of them with an
eye-opening 2-under par round. She was fun and pleasant person, and the
guys were impressed. Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and
invited her back the next week. She smiled, and said, "I'll be there at
6:30 or 6:45."

The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she
played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still beat
them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They
were totally amazed, but wondered if she was trying to make them look
bad by beating them left-handed.

They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't
seem to be purposely showing them up. They invited her back again, but
each man harbored a burning desire to beat her game..

The third week, the guys had their game faces on. But this time, she was
15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable. This week the lady
lawyer played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them.

The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part.
However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play,
they couldn't hold a grudge.

Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads. This
woman was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of beers,
and finally, one of the men asked her point blank, "How do you decide if
you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

The lady blushed, and grinned. "That's easy," she said. "When my Dad
taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch
back and forth. When I got married in college, I discovered my husband
always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit.
Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the
covers off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed
right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed.

The guys on the team thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this
bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's
pointing straight up in the air?"

She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."
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Old 06-16-2009, 02:09 PM   #154
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Senior sex in Florida

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/in...y-bird-special

All hail to Jon Stewart and the Dirty Bird Special!

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Old 06-16-2009, 02:15 PM   #155
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Lead foot

After putting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel lightly), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision because, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph. (Remember, the Pope is German.)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'The Pope is His chauffeur!'
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Old 06-16-2009, 02:18 PM   #156
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How to call the police when you're old and don't move fast anymore

George Phillips, an elderly man from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"

He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."

George said, "Okay."

He hung up the phone and counted to 30.

Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them," and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"


Don't mess with old people.
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Old 06-16-2009, 02:37 PM   #157
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Good to have you back, KT.

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Old 06-16-2009, 02:43 PM   #158
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How drunkenness affects your chances of getting laid

http://www.sloshspot.com/photos/blog...1240445724.png
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Old 06-16-2009, 02:59 PM   #159
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I may have to take up golf, but only if the pope will caddy me!
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Old 06-18-2009, 11:43 AM   #160
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The way girls are

This is a sweet, short film, but it may be NSFW.

http://www.noob.us/entertainment/lit...irls-are-nsfw/

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